[In this section we seek to answer frequently asked questions, at U.L.T. meetings or during private conversations and discussions with people who seek the answers in the light of Theosophy. Answers given in this section are by no means final. Only a line of thought is being offered by applying general principles of Theosophy.]

Question: Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget? It is said that time is a great healer, but some painful or traumatic experiences are never forgotten. What is the remedy?

Answer: In our age, competition, one-upmanship, supremacy, exploitation of those weaker has become a way of life. Therefore, when someone wrongs us or exploits us, a strong feeling of hurt and anger is experienced. Also, the society we live in has given us our ideas and false values as regards "human dignity" and "self-respect." When these are violated, man is outraged. It is much easier to forgive a loved one, but much more difficult to do so when that other person happens to be some we do not paricularly like; happens to be our opponent or a competitor; happens to be (often deservedly) ahead of us, or appears to be favoured by fortune for no apparent reason. No one can hurt us unless we give him the power to do so. Our mind is a free bird, which cannot be chained or hurt unless we consent. Somehow, unless we give back, hit back, make the other suffer as we have suffered, and make him pay, we cannot rest in peace—not realizing that the one against whom we feel hatred is our own erring brother; forgetting that the law of Karma works ceaselessly, justly and accurately. It is because, often we do not see the wrongdoer "pay" for his actions that we are tempted to take the law, as it were, in our own hands to mete out "justice" ourselves. We are not expected to supinely accept ill treatment or injustice, though according to the highest standard of spirituality, if the injustice is against oneself, one must let it go. We must point out the wrong, gently but firmly, wherever possible, and our best to redress the wrong, but having done all in our power, we must resign.

We are asked to "forgive and largely forget." If we are able to forget, then the question of forgiving does not arise. One of the methods for forgetting is that when thoughts return, we do not lend them energy. We can allow the thoughts to pass without identifying with them. A French proverb says: "To understand is to forgive." At first, we need to try and understand the "why" of things, as a theosophical discipline, for it helps to know how to forgive and forget and how to overcome obstacles. If we have taken care to understand the experience with all its implications, i.e., what caused it; what was the lesson to be learnt; what in our nature needs changing, etc., then there results conscious acceptance. However, when the memories come back, as it were from behind, it often becomes difficult, especially when we are already depressed, tired or unwell. It is then that these memories get the upper hand and we end up feeling self-pity or regret or bitterness or anger. That is why "memory" is considered a great hindrance on the spiritual path.

If we have learnt to take smaller experiences in our stride, then the bigger losses do not throw us off-balance—even when they do, we are able to bounce back.

What is the lesson we can learn? Those particular incidents, which leave a deep impact or rather scar on our being, are indicators that we have not learnt to cope with problems in those areas—because all those traumatic experiences which we describe as unforgettable and which we are unable to face without being shaken, others are able to face without much perturbation. It is a sure indication that we need to work in those areas. We are especially vulnerable in some parts of our psychological make-up, and that may be the result of similar experiences in the past. In the case of a person who might have burnt himself in a particular life, his physical and mental memory is so impressed by that experience that in the next life he will instinctively stay away from fire. In the same way the Kama principle can be given such strong impressions that in coming lives we have instinctive likes and dislikes for the same. These impressions are made stronger and deeper by encouraging them so that all the sheaths of the soul are, as it were, soaked through and through with it. The only remedy is to learn to analyze the root cause of our resentment and learn to deal with it. The chief cause of hurt feelings is our own exaggerated self-image and the sense of our egoistic importance.

We need to cultivate detachment. The more we remember that we are not the personality and stop identifying with its experiences, the less is the force of those experiences. We have to be able to take objective position. We have to see that it is not the whole of me. Rape can leave lifetime trauma, but we know that we are not the body. We tend to wallow in self-pity instead of facing the facts. Now that it has happened, what can I do? As shown in a movie, a woman who was a victim of rape decided to give birth to the child and then groomed him to be a musician. Thus, we can use that very experience constructively to get over the trauma. A man whose son had died of pneumonia, as a result of getting wet in the rain, could not get over the trauma of the loss, till he decided to help all those without shelter, by reaching them to dry places. Another man having lost all his family members in an accident went into deep depression. Then at one stroke he got over the trauma by undertaking to educate slum children. All sorrow left him. A new family was found.

The above instances of overcoming life's trauma by diverting our energy and concern to more creative pursuits show why Theosophy recommends "sat-sang"—companionship with the true, the good and the beautiful. "Forgetfulness of the personal self and sincere altruism," is H.P.B.'s remedy for all woes. Participating in another's joys and sorrows, we tend to forget ourselves and therefore it becomes easy to forgive people who are after all only instrumental in bringing Karmic misfortunes to us. There is a prayer:

Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see;
The mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me.

Life is a school and it is all made up of learning. Traumatic experiences are often opportunities to turn inward for the solution.

Question: It seems everything in life is a matter of luck—good or bad. Are some people more "lucky" than we are, all the time? It seems they are most advantaged from the beginning of their life.

Answer: To begin with, "lucky" people are those born in favourable circumstances. When we say that someone is lucky, generally there is a tinge of jealousy and disappointment that we do not have those advantages. There is a feeling that he/she is favoured, failing to realize that the "luck" which manifests in advantageous surroundings or in having all things going smooth and right is the result of Karma of this or previous lives. Often, it results from the attitude of complete resignation to whatever comes in life. "Lucky" people are often those who are not anxious but display faith in the law. "Anxiety" puts an invisible obstacle in the path of what we want done. In the absence of anxiety, there is clarity of perspective and it facilitates to turn the tide in a favourable direction. At times, it is not as if the person is advantaged, but he has the knack of turning to his advantage whatever comes his way. The most arduous task is done with such pleasure that it can make others feel that he is lucky to be doing it. For instance, when Tom Sawyer was asked by his aunt to paint the compound wall, he began doing it with such interest and pleasure that other boys actually bribed him with apples, shiny buttons, souvenirs, etc., to allow them to do his work! Often it is the case of "the grass being greener on the other side."

We must not be in a hurry to judge everyday circumstances as "lucky" or "unlucky." Often, an obvious setback proves to be an opportunity in disguise, and vice versa. There is the story of a poor farmer in China. When he lost his only horse that helped him in his fieldwork, people pitied him and considered him unfortunate. The farmer himself was so calm, that admiring his attitude the villagers donated him a horse. At this, people said, "What a lucky man!" A few days later, when his son riding the horse fell and broke his leg, it was judged unfortunate, but when due to his broken leg the son missed getting enrolled in the army, again the farmer was considered lucky, and so on. All through the various circumstances, when people judged him lucky and unlucky by turns, the farmer kept saying, "We will see."

While it is true that so-called luck or advantages are the result of Karma, whether they are conducive to spiritual progress or not is determined by the way we handle them. It appears that seldom have we the wisdom to use the advantages beneficently. As Mr. Judge writes:

It is quite true that we may often find persons surrounded with great advantages but who make no corresponding use of them or pay but little regard to them. But this very fact in itself goes to show that the so-called advantageous position in life is really not good nor fortunate in the true and inner meaning of those words. The fortunate one has money and teachers, ability, and means to travel and fill the surroundings with the works of art, with music and with ease. But these are like the tropical airs that enervate the body; these enervate the character instead of building it up. They do not in themselves tend to the acquirement of any virtue whatever but rather to the opposite, by reason of the constant steeping of the senses in the subtile essences of the sensuous world. (Vernal Blooms, p. 9)

On the other hand, what the world considers as disadvantage is the real "advantage" from the point of view of soul. Struggle, adversity, poverty, etc., help in gaining strength and building of character.

It therefore depends on us how we define personal luck or ill luck. One person who "misses the bus" may growl at his bad luck, another who is used to taking everything in his stride moves on without wasting energy in wailing or becoming ineffective. Even when good fortune smiles on him he is doubly cautious to use the opportunity advantageously for himself and for others, since the higher goal of life is ever kept in sight.

Make ye the world a bit better or more beautiful because ye have lived in it.

—Francis Bacon